Rewind

What can I say?
I mess up. A lot.
Well, I don't know what a standard base line of too many mistakes is. All I can say: I mess up.
A lot.
Good thing is, I've got this, I don't know...invention type caboodle.
Yeah.
I can rewind stuff.
Pretty much, it's cooler than the Easy Button and I got it off of eBay for $15.
Turn down for what?

Episode One

I told my best friend about my dohicky the night I got it and pushed the rewind button. You know? Those double arrow triangle things. 

I had told her about three or four times until I realized that she was being reversed and played back like a movie each time. 

I was like, "Check it out."

And she was all, "Okay."

So then I pushed the button, and was like, "So, what'd it do? Did it work?"

"Did what work?"

Seriously, it was super annoying until I started noticing her cat, Socks, repeatedly jumping up and anti-falling, I guess, from the window. Unnaturally, might I add.

The only thing that was missing was the TV static, like when you rewind old school VHS cassettes. 

Obviously, I had to wonder how great this remote's powers were. I wondered how accurate it's aim was, if I could make it specific to a certain person, room, or city. Did that person/thing/whatever else have to be in my vicinity, or could I, I don't know, pause Obama during his public address, rewind him, and see if he would say everything he just said over again, to the audience's dismay and confusion.

I tried it. 

To make sure my little experiment worked, I brought with me three clocks, an analog, a digital, and then a wrist watch. If I could really control time from a remote location, but in a way like I did at Sam's house, I could literally change the world. Like, how far back could I go. Could I kill Hitler before he was born without even stepping foot from my bedroom?

But, alas, it just worked on my TV, like a normal remote would do. No clocks ticked backwards and my mom still yelled at me in forward-moving nagging. 

I muted my mom a couple days later. 

Then I paused my little sister. 

No guilt. 

But, I can say I debated internally on how long I should leave them in their silent and statuesque states. Mom was so funny freaking out, mouthing, "Emma...what are you doing, young lady?" and Emma, of course, was doing nothing. She was frozen in the moment, mouth spit sogging the head of the Elmo doll forced in her mouth. 

I rewound mom back to the point right before I muted her, unpaused Emma, and then unmuted her. She remembered nothing. 

I had a Math test on Tuesday. 

Let's just say that the remote, if pointed at the chalkboard, can make things a whole lot easier for Mr. Chandler's Period 7 AP Calc class. 

The old bat didn't even notice, because, guess what, I paused him. 

Episode 2

All-Star Game Snubs and Surprises

Just last night, the NBA All-Star East and West game starting line-ups were released. Before I go into how I feel about them, because I have plenty to say about snubs and surprises, here they are:

Dwayne Wade, MIA, Backcourt
(SG)

East

Kyrie Irving, CLE, Backcourt
(PG)

LeBron James, MIA, Frontcourt
(SF)

Paul George, IND, Frontcourt
(SF)

Carmelo Anthony, NYK, Frontcourt
(SF)

West

Stephen Curry, GSW, Backcourt
(PG)

Kobe Bryant, LAL, Backcourt
(SG)

Blake Griffin, LAC, Frontcourt
(PF)

Kevin Durant, OKC, Frontcourt
(SF)

Kevin Love, MIN, Frontcourt
(PF)

Alright, so, I'm mad because Joakim Noah is not in the starting line up. I'm mad because there are NO centers at all! Like, what? I totally understand that the current league isn't as much as a "big man" league like it used to be, but, for real. Who's playing Center for the East? 

LeBron James?

I can't.

However, since I'm talking about the East first, I can't really say I would take out any of the starters and be absolutely okay with his absence. Like, yeah, Dwayne Wade's knees suck, it's at the point where I'm doubting whether he has any type of cartilage left, but who else would play SG? I can't even think of a worthy contender off the top of my head. "The Flash" isn't all that flashy anymore and, honestly, he's the only person I can see being replaced but that still doesn't solve the no center problem.

Maybe it won't be a problem. The East is going to get demolished anyways.

I'm happy to see Paul George for his second All Star appearance and Kyrie Irving is only there because D. Rose isn't. Did he play last year? 

I don't even know.

Nothing against Kyrie, but I like him as Uncle Drew a lot more. It's cooler to see an old man cross people up. Does he still do those commercials?

Speaking of! Kevin LOVE!!

AHHH I love Kevin Love!

He was in a Uncle Drew commercial, so me mentioning him isn't completely random, and it's also not random because he's playing in the All-Star Game! I'm so excited. This man came in the absolute clutch for me in my Fantasy League last year (as in, whenever he could play and he didn't have a broken hand/finger/whatever) and he's so talented all over. 

His defense sucks, but...well, actually, no, but yes, it does suck, but he can grab those rebounds like there's a basketball magnet in his bones!

That didn't make much sense, but, whatever.

I was really surprised to see him in the line-up.

Also, another surprise came up with Stephen Curry. Not saying he doesn't deserve it, because he totally does, just look at what he's doing with the Warriors now that he's managing not to break his own ankles every other week. He's a Splash Bro.. Super cool. But, you know, I kind of think he deserved it MORE last year. Again, not to say that he isn't an integral part of his team regardless, I just wasn't expecting him to ever get elected onto the team because what he did last season for the Warriors, in my mind, doesn't compare to this year.

Kevin Durant. Duh.

Kobe. What. The. HECK.

This man is injured! He's injured! How is he going to play off the bench?! It doesn't make sense. It's a wasted roster spot. GAWD these fans are so stupid, like, what's the point? I get it, I get it, there's bragging rights and records to be made as far as ASG appearances made goes, but he's not even going to play.

It's DUMB.

I breezed over the rest of the East lineup because I didn't have much to stay. The East is historically bad this year, so, obviously, the pickings were going to be slim. The only complaint I have has already be addressed with Joakim, but I suppose I can be fine with that as long as he's selected by the coaches. 

Easy A [Spoiler Alert]

"Easy A" Movie Review 

IMDB Synopsis: 

A clean-cut high school student relies on the school's rumor mill to advance her social and financial standing.

Year Released:

2010

Writer:

Bert V. Royal

Stars: Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Penn Badgley 

[Disclaimer: I don't have half of an idea how a review goes--like, what am I supposed to talk about? Music? Scenery? Lighting? I am NOT certified.--but I'm going to give it a shot. Hopefully I don't sound like a ranting stupid idiot, but, whatever. My blog. My rants. My rules. Deal.]

Alright! Easy A! This 2010 film starred the wonderful Emma Stone as Olive Penderghast. Olive has a clean-cut reputation, does good, and, well, she doesn't really stick out as much as she blends in. She doesn't party too hardy, if ever, and she actually reads The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, an assigned reading book for her English class.

That all changes when Olive decides to help a friend, Penn Badgley, who plays Woodchuck Todd, the school's mascot. By help, I mean pretend to f@%k. (hehehe PG, ya'll, keep it PG) Olive and Todd go to a big party hosted by the coolest kid in the school. Their identity really isn't relevant, because if it was, I would know it. I've seen this movie ten thousand times. Anywho, Olive walks in with Todd on her arm, and acts like she is drunk. She stereotypes just about every high school woozy all for Todd, who is tired of being teased for his homosexuality. To prove to all the guys bullying him that he is not, in fact, gay, even though he is, in fact, gay, Todd and Olive stumble into a room and commence and proceed to bounce on a mattress, simulating sex sounds.  (I tried to keep it PG, I tried)

This is where I see true, IDK, genius, because that scene could have been really awkward. Instead it was hilarious, especially when they finished. ESPECIALLY when they finished. Ha.

However, I can't deny the fact that I believe that the movie kind of took a lot of liberties just to advance the plot. Like, really, how realistic is it that someone would do what Olive did?

That is one HECK of a favor.

No judgement, but, I don't think I would be able to do that. Just because Todd is her friend, I see it as extremely unrealistic that someone would put their pristine reputation on the line to help improve a friend's bullying situation. There could have and should have been other solutions. (And, side note: I don't even remember if Todd and Olive were even that close of friends. Like, they might have in an imaginary past of the movie, but, I don't think they were besties in the present time)

Maybe Olive wanted to insert some drama into her life, tired of drifting between the lines. I can understand that, but, once again, I see it as implausible that someone like Olive would offer their body, even in a fake sense, just for the sake of drama. I feel like you already have to be half way on your way to being a floosy before you commit to pretending to be a full on floosy.

But, it's a movie, and it's entertaining. The dry humor is great if you like sarcasm, and I'd definitely recommend it right alongside Mean Girls (2004). Olive's conflict with Marianne (Amanda Bynes) is refreshing and goes through twists that are realistic. There are, actually, a lot of twists in the this film, more than you'd expect from a teen movie, anyways, and you'd never see the end coming.

So, I won't spoil it for you. But I shouldn't have to. The movie came out in 2010. You've had four years. It's on FX like every other day.

I also leave you with sunshine filled pockets. 

Captain Coates

She gasped with excitement and shouted over the noise of the propeller. "The islands in the clouds are real!!" Cap'n turned back, letting go of the helm and letting the ship sink into the buoyancy of the fluffy clouds. "Of course they are! This here land is just as real as the ground down thither. You think if I snap my fingers this will all disappear?"
Betty's jaw dropped, eyes large in their childish innocence. "Well, duh!" She undid her seat belt, fixed the frills in her night gown, and fluttered her hair and eyelashes. "It's not normal that this exists, but it totally does!" She turned to the captain, "Will it go away if you snap?"
Captain Coates laughed three hearty hoots. "Yer not afraid, now are you?"
Betty shook her head, even though she was a tiny bit afraid. What if the ship poofed away? Would she tumble and fall down back to the Earth?
"Not at all," she answered.

She watched Coates's fingers brush together with a wince, almost preparing herself for her likely, tumultuous descent. Her heart nearly imploded when the sound reached her ears...but nothing happened.
The excitement rushed back into her all at once.
Betty jumped from her seat and roamed around the ship, peering over the edge and checking everything out. The water, or what would be, of the beachfront was made entirely of clouds and they moved and shifted like an ocean. Every so often, when the clouds parted a certain way, she could see the yellow blinking light on Mr. Willow's porch. She wondered how far up she was. She wondered if she was dreaming. But the breeze that smelled like strawberries and chocolate brushed her hair off her face.It was very much real. The stars in the sky looked like glitter against a big sheet of black construction paper, sparking and glittering against the giant Moon.
Coates grinned, excited by her excitement, skin near his eyes crinkling warmly, like melted sugar crystallizing."What do you say we dock and join the other children?"
"There are others?" Betty squealed.
"Course there are. This is the Island of Dreams. If you dream it, it'll be."

This Happened

A for Effort!

Waking Life

I didn't know what to expect

It's a movie, with actors, and they are covered with cartoons

It's not your weekly Saturday morn

He explores his dreams lucidly

Philosophical, not what you'd expect